Tuesday, January 31, 2006

The End Is Near

I've got a good feeling about this. I think I'm starting to pull thru this dry season. Today, I got a copy of Searching For God Knows What from Bax, and I'm already about half way thru it. I think I can feel God telling me things thru it. For instance, Miller says that we are begins who are wired to have someone or something tell us what who we are (hence, our seeking attention, praise, etc...). Now, back in the Garden of Eden, we got that identity from God, who walked with Adam and Eve. So they got their identity in God, God told them who they were, what they were. But, since the Fall, we've been getting out identity from other, not so admirable, sources. And I can feel that since I've been so distant from God lately, I've been finding my identity in something else (what that is, I'm not sure...yet) and I haven't been recieving input from God, I've been blocking Him out, ignoring Him (something which I am, unfortunetly, pretty good at). That's why I've been so..."depressed", "dry", "empty", or whatever you wanna call it, because I've been trying to fill a God shaped hole with, who knows what (I really don't know what I was putting there, probably nothing, which can be just as bad as a bad something). Also, I had a talk with Bax today and kinda told him what's been goin on, and he wants to start meeting every week (again), and I have a good feeling about it. He's probably my favorite teacher here, and he's super smart and know's what he's talking about, so that should be good. Now, I've just gotta get the motivationt to do some school work! ;)
This morning in worship I realized somethintg... My "dryness" has been entierly my fault. It's completely self-induced. I feel bad and I stoped seeking God. I stoped praying, stopped reading the Bible, stopped paying attention in class, and just started ignoring Him (whic I am pretty good at, unfortunetly). So, I'm half way thru Searching For God Knows What already and it's helping immensly

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