Monday, May 1, 2006

How long, how long?

Wow.. when was my last entry? The 11th? Geez, I'm lame.

Well, since Daniela got here on the 6th I've been either busy running all over the place to get her ready to live here on her own or I've been stuck in the house catching cabin fever because 2 feet of snow got dumped on us, effectively cutting off any chance to do anything at all.

So Dani is going to be living in my sister & brother-in-law's basement, which is pretty cool because it's a totally finished basement, with a bathroom, and they're renting it to her pretty cheap, in comparison to an apartment... So we've been running around like made getting her furniture, a bed, decorations, etc... plus we've been running like mad to get her a driver's license, her US resident papers, a car, car insurance, and everything else you could imagine a person who just moved here would need. But in the end, as of today, she's gotten her license (well, she passed the tests and is waiting for the license to come in the mail), gotten a car (2001 Suzuki Grand Vitara), car insurance, her US resident papers and card, furniture, a bed, and a lot of little stuff too. So she's nearly 100% set up, and I'm exhausted from running around with her. But it was fun for the most part.

As for me, well, I'm just kinda blah. I'm super happy and excited for Dani to be here and start living here, close to me, but at the same time, I'm just kinda blah with everything else in my life. Last semester at CU put me in a sour disposition because of the gen. ed. classes I had to and still have to take, and I really didn't like the journalism class too much. I feel like having to go through all the journalism stuff just to get to the broadcast production piece isn't worth it. But I am taking a film class next semester which I'm excited for, and I think after I take that, I'll be able to decide if I want to be a Journalism major for the Broadcast Production or if I want to be a Film major. Who knows, it's all still up in the air.

The rest of my life is just blah. Boring, plain, blah, unsatisfying, unadventurous, boring, boring, boring. My spiritual life is dead. Sad to say, but true. I have no spiritual feeling at all. I feel dead to the spiritual. But, this is nothing new. I've been like this, without any feeling whatsoever, since CBC. I don't know when at CBC, but sometime during the year I just started fading out of my relationship with God. I don't pray, I don't read the bible, I don't get anything out of going to church, and I feel no connection to God. And yet I hesitate to do anything different because of the connection and realness of God I have experienced before. I have experienced God in the past, I've heard his voice and I've felt his comfort and I've known him (or at least thought I have), and now I feel spiritually dead.

I don't know what to do anymore, I don't know where to turn anymore, I don't know what to say anymore, I don't know what I am doing wrong, I just don't know, and it's killing me.

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