Monday, March 13, 2006

"Community" - Note the quotes

I know that everyone knows what I'm talking about when I say I'm having a "rain cloud" moment.

Oxford American Dictionaries - cloud - figurative - a state or cause of gloom, suspicion, trouble, or worry

I seriously think that I've obtained this rain cloud from being here at CBC. There are so many things that put me down, into a funk. There are so many things that make me angry, or hurt, or sick(ened). Much of it has to do with the people: students and staff. A lot of it has to do with how people interact with me (or, more accurately, don't interact with me).

When I think about this CBC "community", all I can think of is a clique filled high school. There are so many groups and cliques within out very small community (of 30 people). I can't fathom how a clique can from with only 30 people to draw from, but this "community" has accomplished that in at least 3 ways.

I feel like most of the "friends", however few, have all either drifted away, or straight up left me out in the cold. They don't even say "Hi" anymore, they all act like I'm invisible. It's so enraging, but more than that, it just puts my head into a rain cloud. I get so hurt that it's not even like real hurt, but more like I just get ... sad isn't the right word, but it's the best one I've got.

I really feel like Daniela is the only thing keeping me here right now. Classes aren't bad, Ecuador is awesome, but the "community" is so off-putting that if Daniela wasn't here, I would be going home right now. I would be calling my parents and telling them to buy me a ticket right now.

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