Saturday, July 29, 2006

Knowing God is a two way street.

Well, first I'll refer you to my previous post (I went to Tennessee and all I got was FOUND) before you read this one (just incase you don't follow chronologically).

Now, on to the real stuff...

So, since being FOUND at CHIC, things have most definitely gone from "mountain/retreat high" to "mundane low". That night at CHIC when I was crying out desperately to God, I remember saying "I'm done with doing nothing. I just want to feel you again and I'll do anything to be able to." Well, surprise, surprise, my lazy ass hasn't done a thing since CHIC. And, wouldn't you know it, my re-lit fire, and my patching up with God has all but died and failed. And I know exactly why. It's because I haven't done a single thing I told Him I would do. I haven't searched for Him, I haven't reached out to Him, I haven't prayed, read, dug deeper, or even really wanted to. Now our relationship is suffering as a result.

Which brings up an interesting point. Our relationship with God is just that. A relationship. Think about the first one that comes to mind. A spouse, fiance, boyfriend/girlfriend, best friend, sibling. Any of those work. Imagine this: your best friend (just for the sake of example) and you are closer than siblings. You are together all the time, you know everything about each other, you are essentially the same person, you are around each other so much. But then things start to change. You befriend another person, and begin to, not so much pull away, but become more and more busy your new friend. You call your best friend less, you hang out less, and eventually, you hardly even know each other. That relationship has become less a relationship and more an acquaintance. You look back years later and think, "Damn, remember when we were friends?". Then you realize it. You stopped making an effort. You stopped caring as much and, eventually, at all. Your ex-best friend stopped making an effort when they saw that you were no longer in the relationship.

All that to say, that's how God and I are. I stopped calling. And I know He never stopped putting effort into our relationship, but I stopped seeing that effort, feeling that effort. Now I'm the one looking back going, "Damn, remember when God and I were friends?"

So, where do I go from here? Unfortunately I know exactly where I go from here. (I say unfortunately because I should have done it a long time ago.) I start putting effort back in to it. I know what I've got to do, and now I've just got to get off my lazy ass and do it... which, in the end, is all anyone has to do.


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